Day 3: Wow.

Day 3

How easy it has been to fall back into His arms. I had neglected my time with my Lord, lately. I have been selfish and foolish with my time.

This morning, I opened my Bible and the presence of the Holy Spirit was immediate. This is amazing to me, because I have always felt overwhelmed and intimidated by the Book. Looking for hidden meaning, trying to find WHAT I'm supposed to read, wondering just how relevant it is. I have come to associate the Bible with confusion and frustration. I haven't ever been one to spend much time reading it because it always left me feeling unsatisfied. So, for the past 3 days, I've cast off those thoughts and just picked it up and read it. I didn't look for anything specific. I started a little in Acts on Wednesday and Thursday, but today Romans caught my eye. In that moment, when the Holy Spirit joined me, I knew all was right. I began to read with peace. And I so love what I read:

Romans 12:


9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.
10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;
11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;
12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer;
13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.
17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.
18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.
19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”^[a] says the Lord. 20 Therefore

“ If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”^[b]

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.


What a standard! Love with brotherly affection, fervent in spirit, steadfast in prayer, giving to those who are in need, blessing those who persecute us, empathetic towards our brethren....

Do not be wise in our own opinion (isn't this hard, sometimes?), and always having regard for good things for all men, living peaceably as much as is possible.

As I read these things, I especially think of the fellowship that I attend on Sundays. It's a wonderful time, but I found it to be emotionally taxing lately. I think maybe it's because I was looking for some sort of gratification, and walking away feeling little of it. Yet, if I look back, with these scriptures in mind, I see things that I hadn't seen before. I see Christ in a different way. I think my focus has become too inward. Not purposely, of course. Still, I believe that it is time for my focus to move outward.

As I write this, things become clear, and even something I read last night sticks in my mind. I'm going to ramble now, and it's my blog so I can do that. I don't expect you to read this. I need to write, though.

About a year ago (just a little more, really) I had a spiritual turning point. Yet, I never felt ready to go out and grab people and start ministering to them. I did this lots when I was younger, but for some reason, I've felt like I was on "mute" or something. Aside from my dad, I've not really shared much about my "new faith" with people. I mostly have just been learning, praying, meditating on Christ. It's been amazingly fulfilling, really. About 2 months ago, though, I started feeling this ... URGENCY. Mostly, it was geared toward my parents, but also I wanted to reach some really hurt people. I even got this odd assortment of a person that I wondered if our fellowship could take on. I wondered if we were really ready for HURTING people. Oh, he showed up. And then, others followed, and I somehow just sorta lost my footing. Everything has been quiet and icky for awhile. I wasn't sure what to do with these people. They needed something, but I've been on "mute", so I just stayed quiet (occasionally sticking my foot in my mouth) and lacking somehow.

All year, I've known that I had to be restored and that Christ was doing something with me. Just up to the last couple months. I've been floundering the past couple of months, strugglng to keep my head up for some reason.

Last night, I read a blog entry written by someone who just recently came to Christ. He's been wanting to kinda JUMP into ministry because he has this really cool testimony, but he keeps hearing that he ought to wait about 3 years. Those three years spent with Christ, understanding his faith and purpose. 3 years...muted, waiting, learning.

So, it hasn't been 3 years, and I'm not really running to be in the ministry. But I've been an on/off/on/off sort of believer all my life. I was just never able to put my thoughts and beliefs in any certain "box," and this was always very frustrating for me. Yet, this past year, I've been put in a place of waiting and learning. I've been the "needy" one, and He's been providing for me, strengthening me.

Can I say that I'm excited? As I'm writing, I'm realizing that maybe my release has come! Perhaps, I can move forward, now. I don't mean I'm ready to jump off a cliff, but maybe I'm off "mute." Maybe, I really can share with that Aunt I've been thinking of for a long time. I really can use discernment and move beyond my own 4 walls, ready for the warfare and the work of God, praying and reaching out to the hurting.

I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, and that he has come to save us from the dark depths of our own fleshly making.

I believe that there are people, though they've heard about Christianity and religion, waiting to hear about Jesus. Just Jesus.

I believe that there are people who need hope in this world, and that HOPE comes from the sacrifice of the Lamb. Our precious Jesus.

Oh my, how humble I feel, and how excited I am...all at once.


Thank you, Lord, for showing me this and opening up the world to me. With You by my side, who can be against me? Lead me, oh Lord, and show me Your ways....